


The Perils of Pyrex

by serenelystrange



Category: Leverage
Genre: Cooking, Cooking Lessons, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Leverage Secret Santa Gift Exchange 2019, M/M, Multi, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27397369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenelystrange/pseuds/serenelystrange
Summary: Eliot tries to teach Parker and Hardison how to make one of their favorite meals...it goes about as well as you'd expect!
Relationships: Alec Hardison/Parker/Eliot Spencer
Comments: 16
Kudos: 63
Collections: Leverage Secret Santa Exchange (Mod Gifts)





	The Perils of Pyrex

**Author's Note:**

  * For [page_runner](https://archiveofourown.org/users/page_runner/gifts).



It starts off innocently enough. Hardison says something about wanting some of delicious eggplant parmesan that Eliot made last Christmas. Parker agrees enthusiastically. Eliot grumbles, because they’ve only been done with a job for about 12 hours, and he has at least another 12 hours of healing before his cracked ribs stop actively trying to sabotage him. Not that he’d let either of them know that.

“Make it yourself,” he says instead of admitting his pain. He just needs to close his eyes for a few more minutes. Possibly another few days.

He’s comfortable as possible in his current condition, stretched out on Hardison’s favorite recliner, wrapped from toes to collarbone in one of the fancy blankets Sophie had picked up on her travels.

“You know we can’t cook,” Parker says with a snort of laughter.

Eliot remembers the day that she tried to make chicken noodle soup and shudders.

“I’ll just order some Chinese food,” Hardison says, finally noticing Eliot is hurting more than he’s intentionally letting on.

“None of that Panda Express shit,” Eliot mumbles, already half asleep.

“I’ll get your fancy chicken, don’t worry,” Hardison says, sharing an amused look with Parker.

“We’ll wake you up to eat,” Parker says, but Eliot’s already fast asleep.

“OK,” Eliot says a few days later. “This is actually a really simple recipe, you should pick it up pretty quick.”

“Easy peasy,” Hardison agrees, even as he eyes the separate ingredients on Eliot’s impeccably clean counter warily.

“When do we set it on fire?” Parker asks, looking at the food-stuff with curiosity.

“No fire,” Eliot and Hardison say in unison, much to Parker’s dismay.

“No fun,” she pouts, before shrugging.

“In essence,” Eliot says. “We’re just going to slice the eggplant into thin slabs, coat them with egg and the breadcrumb mixture, and then bake them.”

“Pyrex!” Hardison says proudly, remembering to grab the pan Eliot had used last time.

“Exactly,” Eliot agrees. “It’ll cook beautifully, and then you two can make it all by yourselves next time.”

“But it’s better when you cook for us,” Hardison says. Parker nods in agreement.

Eliot rolls his eyes. “I already cook and clean for both of you...”

“Only because you’re a clean freak who can’t stand as much as a sock on the floor,” Hardison interjects.

“And because you don’t want to die of food poisoning,” Parker adds.

“Really, we’re doing you a favor,” Hardison says, grinning.

“And we wake you up with orgasms!” Parker says with a matching grin.

Eliot considers this for a moment before shrugging.

“That’s true,” he says. “But you still have to learn to cook for yourself. You can’t survive on cereal and gummy candies alone.”

“Could,” Parker says.

“Technically,” Hardison adds.

“Shouldn’t,” Eliot amends, wryly.

“Fair,” Hardison and Parker say together.

“Plus,” Hardison says, “You’re not planning on leaving us anytime soon, are you?”

“You better not,” Parker says, glaring slightly.

Eliot sighs, but allows Hardison to pull him back against his chest while Parker steps closer and loops her arms around both men, pulling herself flush against Eliot in the process.

“One day I might not b…” Eliot tries, but Parker cuts him off with a short but rough kiss.

“Never gonna happen,” she says, as if the power of her words alone could eradicate the danger from the job they do.

Eliot half believes that it will.

“We protect each other, remember?” Hardison says, flexing his fingers against the strip of skin right above Eliot’s waistband.

“Always,” Eliot agrees, softly. “Even if you two are giant pains in my ass.”

Parker snorts. “Sometimes literally.”

“More lube was needed,” Hardison agrees sagely. “Live and learn.”

“Ugh,” Eliot says, dropping his head down against Parker’s shoulder and closing his eyes. He doesn’t know why he puts up with them at all sometimes.

The rest of the food prep goes better than expected. Parker gets to slice, which isn’t quite as good as setting things on fire, but it appeases her. Hardison turns out to be surprisingly good at guessing the right balance of seasonings by smell alone. By the time the pan is in the oven, Eliot’s feeling good about the whole thing, and even has the kettle on the stovetop to make them all some of the new tea blend from the shop downtown that he frequents.

“Timer’s going off,” Eliot says, glancing at his phone from where it sits next to his still steaming mug of tea.

“I’ll get it,” Hardison says. He gets up and after a brief search for the potholders, pulls the gloriously browned eggplant from the oven. He holds it up towards the others in victory.

“Success!” Parker shouts, laughing when Eliot winces with exaggeration at the noise.

“Put it down to cool before you burn yourself,” he tells Hardison, before snickering to himself and going back to his tea and one of the mystery novels he keeps on the coffee table.

“Yeah, yeah,” Hardison says, but he does as he’s told before coming back to the couch to wait.

It’s beautifully quiet for an entire minute, as they all occupy themselves in comfortable silence.

And then the ticking starts.

“What is that?” Parker asks, looking around in alarm.

“It’s really high pitched,” Hardison says, also looking around to see what could be making the shrill, almost rattling noise.

All at once, and all too late, Eliot realizes what the sound must be.

“Hardison,” he asks, “where did you put that pan down to cool?”

“On the stove,” he says, shrugging as if to say ‘obviously.’

“Oh crap,” Parker says, “on the burner that Eliot was just using to make tea?”

Hardison looks over at her in confusion. “Yeah? So what?”

The noise around them suddenly reaches an even higher pitch and the rattling starts in earnest now.

“Duck!” Eliot shouts.

Thankfully they all do, taking cover in front of the couch just as the Pyrex pan explodes, shattering into hundreds of pieces all over the kitchen, going as far as to hit the back of the couch behind them.

“Well,” Hardison says after everything has settled down and they’re standing and assessing the damage. “That could have gone better.”

Parker notices a sad piece of eggplant that’s slid to the floor among the shards of glass and dissolves into giggles, shaking as she tries to stop.

Eliot just sighs and shakes his head before shrugging. “Eh, it could have gone a lot worse. Nobody even lost any toes this time.”

“Toes?” Hardison asks, raising a single eyebrow in an unnervingly good Eliot impersonation.

“Tokyo,” Eliot says, smirking in amusement as if that means anything to either of them.

“I’m ordering pizza,” Hardison says, ignoring Eliot’s usual cryptic nature in favor of scrolling through his phone for options.

“I’ll get the vacuum,” Eliot says.

“I’ll get us all shoes,” Parker adds, eyeing the glass that is still all over the place.

“Good plan!” Hardison says, “Go, team!”

Parker cackles and Eliot just rolls his eyes.

Next time, he’d try to teach them to make something easier, like a sandwich.

What could possibly go wrong?

THE END


End file.
